When Sleep Eludes

The glow of electronics and the sound of Flickerstick.

This has been my view for the last 2 hours or so since I woke up after a meager 4 hours sleep. I'm almost getting used to not being able to sleep now, but it keeps leaving me with some wicked headaches.

When I sleep, it's hard for me to fall asleep with anything short of complete darkness. As you can see from the picture, it is close to complete darkness but not quite. Once I'm out it doesn't matter how illuminated my Den of Dwelling is, but it is a problem when I'm awake. The red circle in the picture is the equalizer on my stereo. It circles the volume knob in the center and pulses along with the music. It's very soothing actually and doesn't bother me when I'm trying to sleep.

I remember when I was younger, in my very early teens living in Nacogdoches. During the early evening sometimes I would go and sleep in my parents room in their bed. They had big double windows on one side of the room, but they also had 3 layers of curtain stuff hanging over them. This room could reach almost total blackness, and I loved it. I would curl up and just lay in their bed and relax and think and nap. It was even better on nights when my dad had to go to work at night. My mom would sleep on the couch instead of in their big bed and I could get a full nights rest in the total darkness.

Now I sleep with a pillow over my head, and often a blanket hung up over my window. Now that winter is slowly approaching and the Texas nights are no longer 90 degrees, I have started forgoing the blanket in exchange for the window opened and a cool Autumn breeze. I couldn't do this all year until now, because of all the stuff with my brother and my constant need to keep my little corner of the world pure from his vision. But it's been a little while now since he has been in jail and I'm slowly feeling safer in my room again. Not safe mind you, but safer. Now if I can just kick these almost nightly dreams I have of him attacking my family.

I'm going to lay back down now and listen to Flickerstick some more. Maybe I can doze off before the sun breaks the horizon, or maybe I won't. If not, at least I know my parents will be up soon and I can break this night time Sunday morning boredom.