Loss

I'm having a hard time with this. Every time I get my mind off of Bitty, something brings him right back up. I went into the living room a few minutes ago and seeing my dad laying there on the couch without Bitty against his chest, was heart breaking. He was 11 or 12, I'm not sure which. For our pet history, he had a pretty short life. Twinkles was almost 20 when we had to finally put him to sleep, and Bitty was taken far too soon.

He was more than a pet. And I'm sure all pet owners say this when theirs dies, but he was an amazing and special cat. He was part of the family, and he was one of my best friends.

It's been very hard on my mom so far. I've said it before that I didn't know how she would handle it if and when she lost Bitty. She's been medicating herself through it so far with Zannaks(sp?). I know it's not the healthiest way to deal with loss, but I don't know how she would even function without the pills right now. Bitty was her baby, as much one of her children as I am.

Picking him up from the vet, already in a box, but still warm was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Knowing he was alive just minutes before, but that now I would never hear "mowwowowoww" the same again. He'd never crawl into the cabinet with the cat food and sleep behind the chocolate syrup again. He'd never crawl into my Dad's arms and sleep against him like a baby on the couch again. He'd never lie on my bed and sleep while the warm breeze blows into my room.

I remember before his surgery when he would come into my room at 3am and wake me up because he was hungry. I'd be sleeping and he'd wake me up and I'd be irritated and tell him not now. He'd keep meowing and finally I'd get up and give him a can of cat food. Last night while I was laying down trying to sleep I glanced at the door and swore for a second I saw his shadow reflecting off the poster just inside my room. I knew it wasn't possible, but for a brief second it was like he was saying goodbye.

I miss you Bitty.