Spiders on the Edge

Some time ago I set life down somewhere. I left the room for a minute and then came back to find it gone. Had I misplaced it? No, I knew right where I had left it, but from that point on, my eyes never scanned that spot. In a weird hypnotic way, I somehow taught myself to ignore it and go on about things with no meaning.

Don't get me wrong, they have great meaning to me. But on the grand scale of things, they are just a small leaf on the forests floor. I do things to escape. I can see the light dim a fraction more with each day but I just keep right on looking the other direction. My own little world. When the door is shut and the shades are pulled I am happy. It's only when time peeks in that I have a hard time dealing with it. But time peeks in anyway, I can't stop that.

Late last year I played a lot of WOW. Too much in fact, but it was so much fun I didn't care. Then time peeked in, and I dealt with a ton of drama bullshit around the new year that made me hate the light I was exposed to.

I locked the door tighter this time. Baten Kaitos was my new window shade. Metroid Prime 2 was a new lock on my door. WOW, once more, was a strong chair pushed under the knob preventing intrusion. RE4 became a padlock. And most recently, Xenosaga 2, Warioware Touched!, and Sid Meier's Pirates, have been blankets shoved into any small opening where time might spy on me.

But he always gets in. It's the same thing every time, and he makes sure I see him. I find myself frantically looking for another key to solitude, but there comes a point when the store is out of new options. I have ideas, but they would be temporary fixes, coupled with more debt, which makes them hardly a solution.

None of it is a solution. It's just another fix trying to find a way to satisfy the growing need that comes from addiction. It's too bad I can't get away from it. It's all the more powerful that I don't want to get away from it. Everything is ok when I feel that rush. When I walk into Ironforge, or land on the Elsa. I hear the flowers in Hyrule are beautiful this time of year.