Free Cats in East Texas

For a few weeks now we've been worried that Momma Kitty had her kittens and forgot about them. We were worried she got confused because almost all of her first litter is still here still. Well yesterday our questions were answered because she brought her newest litter to our house. She has them nuzzled away in a corner where our house extends out in front of our kitchen.

They are incredibly cute, especially the little grey one with the white face. My dad wants me to play with them a lot so they are used to people because he is going to start finding homes for them over the next couple weeks. Don't worry, I moved the oil bottles, and put down a towel so they can help stay warm earlier when Momma Kitty runs to get food.

I'm so tired, I wish I could sleep.

Check out the kick ass little grey one with the white face

When Sleep Eludes

The glow of electronics and the sound of Flickerstick.

This has been my view for the last 2 hours or so since I woke up after a meager 4 hours sleep. I'm almost getting used to not being able to sleep now, but it keeps leaving me with some wicked headaches.

When I sleep, it's hard for me to fall asleep with anything short of complete darkness. As you can see from the picture, it is close to complete darkness but not quite. Once I'm out it doesn't matter how illuminated my Den of Dwelling is, but it is a problem when I'm awake. The red circle in the picture is the equalizer on my stereo. It circles the volume knob in the center and pulses along with the music. It's very soothing actually and doesn't bother me when I'm trying to sleep.

I remember when I was younger, in my very early teens living in Nacogdoches. During the early evening sometimes I would go and sleep in my parents room in their bed. They had big double windows on one side of the room, but they also had 3 layers of curtain stuff hanging over them. This room could reach almost total blackness, and I loved it. I would curl up and just lay in their bed and relax and think and nap. It was even better on nights when my dad had to go to work at night. My mom would sleep on the couch instead of in their big bed and I could get a full nights rest in the total darkness.

Now I sleep with a pillow over my head, and often a blanket hung up over my window. Now that winter is slowly approaching and the Texas nights are no longer 90 degrees, I have started forgoing the blanket in exchange for the window opened and a cool Autumn breeze. I couldn't do this all year until now, because of all the stuff with my brother and my constant need to keep my little corner of the world pure from his vision. But it's been a little while now since he has been in jail and I'm slowly feeling safer in my room again. Not safe mind you, but safer. Now if I can just kick these almost nightly dreams I have of him attacking my family.

I'm going to lay back down now and listen to Flickerstick some more. Maybe I can doze off before the sun breaks the horizon, or maybe I won't. If not, at least I know my parents will be up soon and I can break this night time Sunday morning boredom.

Delicious Morsels

Cheesecake for the win!!!!

Trio of Mind Blasts

Well, I just guess I'm not going to get to sleep. in the last half day I have had 3 dreams that I can remember. So without further Freddy Ado......

Dream 1 "Family Hauntings"

This one came during my nap today. I layed down around 2:30pm and slept for about 3 hours or so until my dad got home then I woke up. It was a really shitty one. It was another dream about my brother getting out and coming into my home and holding my parents and me against our will. He had guns like usual, and it was just general horribleness bringing back that days emotions. I woke up abruptly and walked out to the kitchen where I heard my dads voice and stayed in there and talked to him for a little while.



The rest of the evening went by normal. I got tired around 11pm so I decided to go to sleep again.



Dream 2 "The All Knowing Gremlins"

In this dream I was back at my old house in Nacogdoches. There was these little sorta gremlin creatures that ran around that I was sorta friends with when I was younger I think. They had never attacked me or caused me harm. They were small furry, almost like Gizmo, but if Gizmo crossed with a Munchkin from Oz, but moved in a cartoony fashion. But they weren't Cartoons in the dreams, they were the Sylvarians or something like that. Can't remember exactly.

So it somehow ends up I'm in the military with one friend(faceless and nameless) and our commanding officer. We are fully decked out going through my yard trying to kill them. I don't want to kill them though they were my buddies when I was younger. So through the whole night in my dream I kept hiding in this little alcove of trees and brush that was across my from my driveway.

The commanding dude kept telling me to help but I kept staying from woods to woods to avoid them. Every once in a while I would see one of them, and not tell the other 2, like an unsaid understanding between me and the Sylvs.

Well, the Sylvs protector shows up, and it's Michael Jackson, circa the "Beat It" video. He gets out of a jeep and starts dancing and killing everyone. I don't know how he was killing everyone, I just know he would start doing his little 4 second repeated moves followed by posing and people were dying and things blew up. I was still in the trees through all this.

The two Sylvs came up to me in the woods and hadn't said anything yet they were just standing there, when my buddy in the dream came up behind them and shot at them with a flamethrower. Both of the Sylvs started squirming like the Gremlins did when they got shot with water. As they were getting burned they said:

"Don't you understand yet, we have always been here and we always will be. We are all knowing."

then right when he finished the other one chimed in with:

"Yeah, like on acid!"

So I jump out of the woods and race up my driveway. When I get to the top it's already becoming daylight, which was weird because just 100 feet earlier it was middle of the night and everything was on fire. As I approached the top of my driveway a jeep pulled up and out jumped Jackson. He did a quick move and posed, and I chucked a rock at his head and it bounced harmlessly off his dark glasses. I took off down the road and then woke up.



I woke up and sat in my bed a minute wondering if I should blog about this but just sat my head back on my pillow and dosed off again.



Dream 3 "Tim the Weird Golf Sport Man Taylor"



There wasn't a lot to this one that I remember. Some of it came back to me a second ago, but I already let it slip away on accident. Anyway, this whole dream was like I was a cameraman at a sporting event. But the sport was just stupid. It was Tim Taylor vs Al Borland, in a backyard enclosed golf game using only yard work tools to get the ball to the hole. It was a large yard filled with random yard furniture and crap everywhere, and they had to use shovels and rakes to get the ball, which was a small chunk of metal, into a hole randomly somewhere in the backyard.

They both cursed a lot and they both mouthed off a lot, and Al was much better than Tim. Al would hit his first shot and be right by the hole, but Tim would get all stuck and lost around patio furniture and small useless trees and shrubbery. I tracked the ball and had close ups and basically listened to what they both said while playing.

All of a sudden in real life something hit high up on my window very hard. It woke me up to a sitting position almost, and Aeris went nuts and ran to see what was the matter. I closed my sash and was spooked from the clatter, I logged on my PC to type what was the matter.....

Oops sorry, I got all Night Before Christmas there



That's about all I can remember right now. This is the first time in my entire life I can remember 3 dreams in such a small period of time. Hell I don't think I've ever remembered 3 dreams in one week before, let alone less than 12 hours. I'm so tired.

Go Bo-Sox

How do I feel about the Yankees you ask?

Feline Fiasco

Following are some pictures of our outside cats.

We have a neighbor who is here half the year and gone half the year. Well last time they left, they left their cats. One is very friendly, and we just call her Momma Kitty, you'll see why. When they left last time, Momma Kitty was pregnant, so she had a litter within weeks of them being gone. After the one black one got attacked by the dog, and we took care of it, Momma Kitty started bringing the litter to our house because she saw we took care of that one. We started feeding them and now they just kind of never left.

So without further ado, the outside cats:

Outside Cats -- This one is a flipped version of the awesome orange one. He's almost entirely black but with a few speckles of orange 

Outside Cats -- These 2 always try to bang the other ones. Male, female, it doesn't matter to them as long as they get theirs. 

Outside Cats -- Group Shot, Grey Kitty is behind the Orange one. That black one is Momma Kitty's other black kitten ,its afraid of everyone, and the grey striped one is one of the 2 horny ones that keeps banging his brethren. Momma Kitty is pawing at him.

Outside Cats -- This one was attacked by a dog when it was 4 weeks old. It caused some nerve damage in one of his legs and he couldn't walk for almost a month so we took care of him inside. Of all the kittens he is the least afraid because he knows we don't mean them any harm. 

Outside Cats -- Momma Kitty. She was our neighbors cat, but they left her here when they moved, so we took on feeding her and taking care of her, she's a great cat. 

Outside Cats -- Orange Awesome looking one 

Outside Cats -- Close up of Grey Kitty, he was the runt of the group and is still much smaller than his brothers and sisters 

Moments Collapsing into Eras

I woke up this morning and my new Flickerstick CD's finally came in. I pre-ordered them several weeks ago in anticipation of their release, and it was well worth the wait.

When I think of Christmas, two bands instantly stand out in my mind as Christmas music. Jimmy Eat World, and Flickerstick. There was a cold chill in the air this morning, my window was open and I was listening to Tarantula for the first time. Was a great feeling, it brings back memories of more than just moments, but an entire chapter of my life.

Most of the music I have I can relate back to a specific moment that stands out in my mind. A game, a person, something that whenever I hear that music or see that thing, conjures up the connections of the two. Flicker and Jimmy go beyond that. They have special moments just like my other CD's, but they have an arching feel that dredges up memories from a timeline, not a time.

2-3 years ago is their time. The last half year of me working at Pilgrim's Pride. Doug and hunter over all the time. Doug especially spending Christmas over here, at least half of it every year. Doug and I walking to Hunter's house in the snow. The glory days of Everquest, before it became a life sucking death missle bent on world destruction, right after Velious came out and up until Luclin's release. The morning Drive to work, bundled up away from the cold after warming up the car for ten minutes.

Let's not forget the month of DAoC. Starting my Albion Armsman and running out of the starting city and down that hill for the first time. The Bleed American CD playing and for the moment, that game being everything that EQ couldn't be. We realized a month or so later it sucked giant gypsy taint, but at that point it was perfect.

Actually seeing Flicker and Jimmy live during that period just made it all the more meaningful.

This was when I still talked to Bill and Pam every single night too. Eventually they gave room for Sarah and I to talk every night, but they were my true training on long distance/length phone conversations. Eventually I drove to Wyoming to visit them.

A few days ago I talked about my nostalgic nights, well new Flickerstick brings back my nostalgia for mornings as well.

My mind isn't very sharp right now, or I would go into better detail. You 2 people who see this will just have to deal with what I gives yah.


Waking up to Flickerstick is Like Waking up to tired sex in the morning when you are already late for work. It's Satisfying in a way few things can match.

Two Days Gone, With the Wind...............

Saturday Josh and I went to Justin's and spent most of the night there. It was fun, I hadn't been to Justin's house in over a year because I'm a shitty friend. We just hung out, watched Bad Santa, and generally stretched the limit of heterosexual human contact.
Josh traps Justin in a tiny net, its a net and its tiny. That's some mighty fine pre-sex fore-play they have going on there. And I watched like I was winning money.

The Layers, They Are Many

Just woke up from what was supposed to be a nap, but turned into sleep-fest 2004. Had a dream that I cant remember much of but I can remember the last part.

I was walking down a road near my house here in Winnsboro. This is weird because usually in my dreams I'm not at this house, or anywhere near a Winnsboro landmark.

I see a guy killing bugs with a lot of really high tech equipment. He has a gun that he is shooting darts into people to kill the bugs that are getting inside of them. I'm going along not thinking anything of it, apparently this is a common occurrence in my dream world. He and I are further down the road, when suddenly I feel a pain in my wrist. I look down and a fly, is in my wrist, burrowing into my skin.

I start franticly digging at it, trying to get it out, while the bug killer guy looks the other way. I rip off a huge chunk of my own skin and get part of the fly out. The skin came off like a piece of an apples skin, but it didn't hurt. I kept digging, and ripped off more skin, and realized that I had a whole other layer of skin under my top one that was keeping the fly from getting into my body. I ripped off some more so now the size of the hole was about the size of a military dog-tag. I was able to dig out the rest of the fly, and also for some reason a lot of cat hair that came in a clump like when my dad wiped down our kitchen cupboards today.

About now the bug guy started fighting with some voice from the sky that was trying to get him but he was ready for it. Then I woke up.

Nostalgic Nights

Tonight is a familiar night.

It's raining really hard outside, the sun is almost gone, and there is a slight chill propelling the rain. These nights used to happen much more often a few years ago. Sitting in my room, window open, just enjoying the feeling of the holidays getting closer and summer shutting it's door on one more year.

Lights would shine into my room, illuminating it much more than the soft glow of my television. I'd look back out of the window and judge who had pulled up simply from the part of my yard they parked in. Hunter or Josh would park right behind my car, shielding all but one of their lights from my view. Doug would pull up next to my car, adding a companion to it in the darkness. Stuart would park erratically fast. And run out of his car and up to my patio. Sarah would park and sit there for a few minutes before coming in, as if unsure of her place in my house.

Everyone was always welcome. I wasn't worried about my brother's presence, nor the fact that I know tonight will be another night with my eyes held open by the frantic wailing of a spoiled baby. Everyone seemed closer. My family seemed closer. The times were so much more inviting. My window stayed open all night, a symbolic invitation to safety and peace in my heart.

There's a calming feeling when you walk indoors with a friend or two. You are all wet from the downpour but not enough to dampen your spirits. The warmth of the dry air beginning to dry you almost immediately. What did we get tonight? What had we done? Every night was a new role of the dice.

Now everyone seems spread out. Hunter is only 4 miles away, but carries a distance between us that stems from growth not mileage. Josh is only slightly further, kept away not by mileage or growth, but by a heavy work day and the comfort of his own home on his mind after a long days hell. Justin is the next furthest, kept away by mileage, growth, and the difference our lives have turned into since our heyday as friends.

Doug is further still, but I'm not sure exactly how far. I've never been to his pops but I know it is somewhere between Winnsboro, and Quitman. He's kept away by stubbornness and a frailty in ties that once held back mountains. Stuart is on the other side of the world keeping us safe.

Sarah is hours away, nuzzled back in the woods in her family hide-away turned vacation from life. Korey is days away, probably wishing he was here. That'll come in time, but until then he's destined to stay in ass-backwards land.

Tonight just feels like someone should be here. Not with any of our current problems, or issues in life. Just here, watching TV, talking, joking, and carrying on without a care.

It's amazing how life can get away form you if you don't pay attention.

Dammit Flickerstick

So two weeks ago I preorder Flickerstick's new CD Tarantula. I also went ahead and ordered the "To Madagascar and Back EP/DVD" combo. Well a little over a week goes by and they update their site saying the orders are going out. I get excited and furiously rub my nipples with grape jelly.

A few days later they update with this message

"Due to an overwhelming response, we have sold out of the initial shipment of Tarantula. We are awaiting restock and any orders placed after Sept 16th will be shipped out upon receipt of the CD's."

Yeah that's great and all guys, but since I ordered after Sept 16th I'm fucking boned. I've paid and there's no cancel order option anymore, even though the CD comes out nationally tomorrow. So here I sit, waiting for any update on their once a month updated site. Can't get the CD tomorrow, Can't cancel my order. What's that Mr. Buttsex, you wanna meet my bottom?

So now, someone who was a big enough fan to pre-order the new CD, is boned to wait longer than most anyone else simply because I ordered directly from the band.

I was owned!

From Out of the Shadows........

I'm a ninja or Arabian woman